I did. You can stop
now though
Here's the final part!!
Part 3Getting to the door that led out there we found Paul hovering around.
“Alright mate, we’re just going out onto the roof if anyone’s looking for me.” Jason winked.
“You can’t, I’m under orders…”
“What is it with people tonight? First the waiter and then you! Look, I mean this as politely as possible but can you piss off cos we’ve got champagne coming and this isn’t a party for three.”
Paul sighed and realised Jason wasn’t going to let him get a word in edgeways and decided just to play along, see what the outcome was.
“Alright, keep your shirt on! Or at least until I’m not here” he shook his head and made his way to the bar where everyone else was.
Just as we were about to step outside, the waiter came up the stairs with the champagne which Jason took before tipping him and sending him on his way. Opening the door and stepping out I let out a wow at how nice it was and it was a gorgeous night to be out there. Jason’s hand snaked round my waist and he pulled me in for a kiss as his other still held onto the champagne bucket, just as our lips were about to touch there was a weird noise causing us both to turn round towards the hot tub.
“Oh my GOD!” I said before turning back to Jason.
“Are they…”
“How has that happened?”
I quietly crept over to the hot tub and dipped in my finger.
“Ah hah! It’s Irn Bru and they’ve fallen asleep and it’s died their skin! Who knew eh?” I winked before trying to hold in my laughter.
“Have you got your phone?” Jason asked with a wicked grin.
“I do indeed!” I smiled and got it out, starting to take some snaps, they were both out for the count and even when we moved Mark into a different position he didn’t even stir. Photos taken, Jason asked for my phone and started tapping away at the buttons.
“What are you doing?”
“I’m distributing some news for tomorrow’s Sun” he sniggered “Call it payback for what they did in my car!!”
“Jason you can’t!”
“Watch me!” he hit the send button and stood there grinning like a Cheshire cat, before tapping away and hitting the send button another couple of times. Before long Gary and Howard had appeared and burst out laughing as soon as they saw Mark and Mary.
“I dunno what’s funnier, the fact that they now both appear to be Orange, or that Mark’s gonna have to do the show like that tomorrow if it doesn’t wash off!” Howard sniggered before roaring with laughter.
“I’ve sent the pics to Gordon Smart, he might as well have something newsworthy to put on the Bizarre pages!” Jason shrugged looking at Gary who shook his head.
“That’s nasty Jay, really nasty! But since it’s photos of Marco and not me, I don’t really care”
They all laughed and picked up some ice cubes from the champagne bucket and started launching them at Mark and Mary in the hot tub. As soon as they started to stir, they all left and stood outside the door, listening through a small gap to hear what was going on.
“What the fuck?!?” Mark shouted, obviously now awake and surveying his newly Orange body.
“Mark mind your language…” Mary said sleepily before realising what had happened “Shit!!!”
“Mind your language Mazza” he said sarcastically as she stood up and reached for a dressing gown.
“Don’t fucking start with me Mark Owen! Incase you hadn’t noticed we look like we’ve been tangoed and it’s all your fault for having a bright idea to fill the hot tub with Irn Bru!!!”
“Oh so now it’s my fault, I didn’t force you to get in!”
“Practically...you did!”
“I did not!! Oh come on, this isn’t helping you know. I’ve got a show tomorrow if this doesn’t wash off then I’m screwed, I can’t go on stage like this!”
“That’s it, you think about yourself and never mind the rest of us!”
“I’m sorry but which one of us has to go on stage in front of 50,000 people?!”
“Look we might be arguing for no reason, why don’t we sneak back to your room and take a shower, see what happens?”
“Fine but if we pass anyone in the corridor we’re screwed.” he pouted. "I'll never live this down!"
“Why don’t we text them all and check that they’re in the bar, say we’re thinking about going there to join them?”
Outside the door they all heard the conversation and knew if they all got texts they would be found out, so quietly they left and went back to the bar, bursting into fits of laughter when they arrived there.
---
First thing in the morning, Mark got dressed, covering up every part of his body that was visible. Gloves and a hat and scarf wasn’t exactly perfect when it was the middle of summer and it was boiling outside but it had to be done. Buying his cigarettes, the girl behind the counter carried on reading her paper turning the page and looking from the paper to him and she sniggered, trying not to laugh any louder. Mark looked at her through narrowed eyes before picking up a copy of The Sun and paying for that along with his cigarettes. Stepping outside he flicked through, getting to the Bizarre page and this time his worst nightmares had come true. Someone had papped them in the hot tub and he was not impressed!!
Storming back to the hotel, he rushed past Gary and Howard in the foyer who asked if he was alright and started laughing as soon as he had passed. Heading straight to Jason’s room, he banged on the door finding there was no answer but the door was slightly ajar. Creeping inside he saw that Jason was on his own and he was sound asleep. Knowing Jason had to have something to do with the pictures Mark decided enough was enough.
“Two can play at this game!” Mark said in a menacing tone before finding a couple of ties and a scarf and tying Jason to the bed, removing the covers and leaving him lying there spread eagled. He chuckled and left the copy of the newspaper beside him on the bed before leaving quietly.
---
Across town Ruthie was fed up and wondered where everyone was.
“Kazza, where did you get to?!” she called down the phone.
“Sorry, I ended up staying with Jason at the hotel. Listen if you want to come over I’ll see if I can arrange for you to meet Gary, and the others of course. I’m using the gym just now but I should be back in the room by the time you get here. I’ll let them know at reception and we’re in room 18, you can come straight up.”
“Really? Thanks hun, see you in a bit!!”
Ruthie put the phone down and started to get ready, ordering a taxi to come and pick her up. She was ready in record time and before she knew it she was making her way up the stairs to room 18.
Standing outside she gently tapped on the door and noticed it was slightly open.
“Kazza, you in there?” she called out quietly, not wanting to disturb anyone else who might still be in their rooms. “Kazza?!” Getting no answer she decided to push the door open and took a couple of steps inside...
“Ewwww noooooooo!!! My eyes, I think I’ve been blinded! I did NOT need to see that!!” suddenly Jason’s eyes opened and he realised he couldn’t move and then his face turned to shock as he saw Ruthie, covering her eyes in the corner.
“Who the hell are you?!?!” he shouted.
“I’m Karen’s friend, I was supposed to meet her here and the door was open and Ewwwwww!!! Cover yourself up!”
“Erm incase you hadn’t noticed my hands are out of use right now!” he tutted and rolled his eyes “You can always leave, if I’m disturbing you. Don’t worry about the fact you could be anyone and you’re stood in my room. Fans try all sorts of things you know!!”
“Listen mate, if I was doing this as a fan, your room would be the last one I’d pick. You’ve got sod all on Gaz!!” she stated matter of factly “and another thing…” her rant was stopped when I came through the door and stopped in her tracks looking at what was in front of her.
“What the hell is going on?”
“I came to meet you and the door was open slightly and he was lying there like that!! Cover him up will you before we see my breakfast again!” Ruthie screwed up her face and watched as I untied him and then threw a dressing gown at Jason.
“Erm Jay would you like to explain why you’re tied to the bed?” I sniggered.
“Well I’m thinking since it wasn’t you, as fun as that sounds, and there is a copy of today’s Sun next to me, I’ll hedge my bets on Mark!”
“Ahh I guess he saw the paper and he’s not impressed”
“What’s in the paper?” Ruthie asked, catching it as Jason threw it at her “Oh my God! Is that Mark and…oh God, why the hell do they look like they’ve been to a really bad St Tropez salon?!”
“Well there was an incident with the hot tub and some Irn Bru…”
“I don’t think I want to know anymore, now lead me to Barlow cos that’s the only reason I’m here!”
I rolled my eyes and took her downstairs, introduced her to Gary and Howard who were already at the breakfast table and then left them to it to go back up and get Jason.
---
Half an hour later and Jason and I were changed and down at breakfast with the others all apart from Mark and Mary. Just as we were starting to eat, a familiar voice was heard and we looked up.
“Room for one more at this party?” Rob asked looking round the table “I don’t know you” he smiled taking my hand and introducing himself, doing the same with Ruthie who scowled at him and took her hand away from his as quick as she could.
“Where’s Marky this morning, still in bed?”
“I think he might be avoiding us!” Gary sniggered and passed Rob a copy of The Sun that he and Howard had been looking at.
“Fuck me, that’s Orange!! He’s about three shades darker than the tango man!”
Everyone burst out laughing and then a few seconds later it turned to silence as Mark and Mary stepped into the dining room. They were still Orange, although not quite as bad as the previous night.
“Go on, laugh you buggers!! You had no problems taking the piss when you sent the photos to Smartass did you?” Mark looked directly at Jason.
“I have no idea what you mean” he replied smiling back, looking like butter wouldn’t melt.
“Hang on, why do you look familiar?” Rob asked turning to Mary.
“You might have seen her in the paper, her and Mark were papped getting frisky in my car!!” Jason rolled his eyes before laughing and looking at Mark who was now glaring at him.
“Bloody hell, papped like that and then you try and molest me in a portaloo you like to live dangerously” he winked, now remembering that he’d met her the day before.
“I did NOT try and molest you, I stepped inside and then I apologised and turned the other way…”
“You tried to do what to him?!” Mark asked.
“You know, for once I could sell a tabloid story where I’m the one who’s lying” Rob smirked as Gary and Howard tried to stifle their laughs but couldn’t any longer.
“I didn’t DO anything!!”
“Nah she didn’t do anything, she got an eyeful that’s all” Rob grinned, clearly loving teasing the pair of them.
“An eyeful of what?!” Mark snapped looking at Mary.
“What business is it of yours anyway Mark? Huh?”
“I…well I thought…oh forget it!!”
“Fine” Mary said before turning to face the other way.
“Fine” Mark sulked and leant back in his seat. You could cut the atmosphere with a knife and either nobody knew what to say or they were still trying to stifle laughs about what had happened.
“You know since I’ve been back from LA for a few weeks, I feel really pale. I could do with a nice St Tropez. Who did yours?”
“Very funny Rob!”
“What?” he asked with mock shock on his face “Looking like a carrot might catch on!”
There was a ripple of laughter around the table which soon turned into everyone laughing and being almost in tears, even Mark and Mary were now beginning to see the funny side.
“You’re all a bunch of fuckers!! And if this is mentioned again, ever, I will get revenge somehow. You mark my words!!!”
“Mark your words!” Howard tried to say through laughter “Mark, cos you’re Mark…” there was more laughter and other diners had now started to look at them, due to the noise they were making.
When Rob had composed himself enough to speak he turned and said “Don’t worry Marky, I’m sure what happens in Manc stays in Manc!!”
"Not if it's in The Sun, it doesn't!" Mary pouted, and everyone burst into laughter again.
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Sat 10 Oct 2009, 4:36 pm
Yeah, I kinda realised that half way through reading but I couldn't stop until I had finished