What Happens In Glasgow... Part 3 added 31/07

Thanks Sede and Maddi

there's more coming soon

when is soon???

Yeh, Kazza

I wanna read it again

Ok, Ok stop me people

Since you asked so nicely I'll go and check it over and post it in 5 mins or so

Part 2



As Mark tried to scramble to safety, a couple of older women in their late 60’s made a grab for him, grabbing his ass and giving it a good squeeze. One of them had him from the front and one from behind and he was sandwiched in between the two…all I could see as we ran was his hat, as he squirmed to get away from the women. One of them had grabbed his face and was planting smackers all over him, while she grabbed his bum…Jay stopped on seeing what was happening, laughed and then carried on running and into the safety of the taxi, followed by me and Mary. Mark turned up a few minutes later, his clothes all in disarray and his hair messed up
“Look at my hat!!” he almost pouted, looking down at his hat which now looked like a piece of random material, all bashed in at the sides and about half the height it had been before the attack of the killer OAP’s!
“Where to?” the driver asked
“Anywhere, nowhere…just drive around for a bit” Jason said, before looking at us and laughing, shaking his head
“That were well funny, did you see their faces?!! Haven’t had that much fun since the old days eh Markie?”
“I dunno if I’d call being groped by a woman who was old enough to be my granny fun and she ruined my hat!!” he frowned before we all burst out laughing.

The taxi made it’s way along the dark Glasgow streets, people outside fast food places who had just eaten a kebab whole and were now throwing up…girls wandering the streets in barely there skirts and wondering why they were getting unwanted attention from drunks and tramps!! As the four of them relaxed and watched the sights of Glasgow pass by Mary suddenly sat upright
“STOP!!!!” she yelled and the driver slammed on the breaks
“What is it? Is something wrong?” Mark asked, a look of worry across his face
“Yes something’s wrong!! Someone has stolen the traffic cone from the Duke of Wellingtons head” she pointed “Vandals!!!” she muttered rolling her eyes
“Oh” I said looking out across to Royal Exchange Square where the statue of The Duke Of Wellington stood…over time drunken clubbers, students and young people had taken to climbing the statue and putting a traffic cone on it’s head, at first the council had removed it time and time again, but now they didn’t bother and the Duke had gotten himself a new hat!!

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Royal_Exchange_Square

I explained this to Jason who just nodded and looked straight at me I was talking, causing my skin to cover in goosebumps and my heart to start thudding in my chest
“No man should be without his hat!! It’s every man and his hat for himself in this world, someone’s wrecked my hat tonight, but he can have his back” Mark nodded and then got out the cab walking over to where the “Duke’s hat” was placed on the pavement beside him. Mary quickly straightened out her skirt and followed him out across the road, almost getting run over by a taxi, the driver beeping his horn at her which in turn made her turn around and give him a gesture of her own! Jason and I watched out the window as Mark struggled to even climb the first part of the statue, let alone reach his head
“If he falls and hurts himself then the tours up the spout” Jason nodded towards Mark, who was now dangling from one of the legs of the Duke’s horse
“Shouldn’t you stop him or something?”
“He’s not my responsibility and I haven’t had a chance to get you on your own all night. I’ve been thinking about you all day since I saw your banner, nice by the way!” he grinned
“Thanks, it was Mazza’s suggestion but at least it worked and you noticed it”
“Yeah I’ve been thinking about how I could make that wish come true for you all day” he whispered, his lips brushing on my ear lobe and sending a shiver through my whole body
“Really? Did you come up with any answers?” I asked quietly, like I was afraid to speak for fear of what the answer would be
“I did, but I can’t explain them…it’s more of a show and tell thing you know?”
I nodded as his hand made it’s way up the inside of my top
“So I’m thinking how about you guys ditch the hostel tonight and come back to our hotel…” a gentle kiss was placed on my neck and then a bang on the window made us pull apart
“This is some sick bastard up there playing a joke on us now!” Jason moaned as he pulled away to see Mary banging on the window
“Guys, Mark’s kinda stuck…he’s dangling from the tail and well I think his shirt is caught on it or something and he can’t get down…” she said before turning back to look at Mark , who was helplessly dangling and causing her to laugh
“See, this is why that man should not be allowed to drink” Jason grumped and rolled his eyes before getting out the cab and striding off to where Mark was
“Well I see another one of your genius ideas has back fired…you’ll never learn will you?! Every time I’m starting to get somewhere you pull a stunt Mark, I’ve a good mind to leave you hanging there!!”
“What? I haven’t done anything and this was an accident, it’s not my fault that me shirt got caught! But I gave the Duke his hat back! Power for the little people eh?” he grinned looking pleased with himself before trying once again to dislodge his shirt. Jason started to climb up the statue and just as he was getting level with Mark, he somehow managed to dislodge himself, falling to the side and taking Jason with him. Both of them tumbled to the ground, Karen and Mary watched as it happened and rushed over in a panic
“Oh my God!” I exclaimed “Are you alright Jason?” he sat up rubbing his head and turned to let all hell rip at Mark, who was laying on the ground still as could be
“Mark? Mark!!” Mary shouted shaking him but getting no response. She put her finger up to his wrist trying to feel a pulse and he grabbed her arm pulling her in close to him, so she was lying on top of him
“How funny was that?” he giggled “but faint heart never won fair lady and I got Wellington his hat back for you!”
“You idiot Mark!! You could have hurt yourself and me, I’m sure the management would have been happy if you’d jeopardised a 10 million quid tour because you were trying to put a traffic cone on a statue!!” Jason almost growled at him
“He needed his hat, it’s cold in Scotland at night” he said pointedly “Right so I think it’s time to get back to the hotel for a wee dram” he added in the worst Scottish accent I had heard in my life, grabbing Mary's hand and helping her up leading her back to the taxi!

Back at the lads hotel, they had tried to get past the bar without being noticed but Howard had been in the gents
“Oh aye, trying to sneak in were you?” he grinned “Come on you lot can get the next round of drinks in!” he slapped Jason on the back and made sure we went in, following on behind
“Gaz, look what the cat’s dragged in” he laughed
“Oh nice of you to grace us with your presence and I see you’ve got company”
“This is Karen” Howard gestured “ and I know we didn’t meet but if I remember rightly you’re Mary yeah?” he asked
“Yeah Mazza and Kazza, to most people” she laughed putting her arm around my shoulder
“So what have you lot been up to then?” Gary asked
“Well I’m not sure you’d want to know, it involved singing, OAP’s, giving back power to hat wearing people and these two ended up in a heap on the pavement” Mary grinned looking at Mark and Jason “Yeah it’s been a good night!” she shoved Howard over in his seat as she made space for herself and then took his drink out of his hand before finishing it. “Looks like Howard here needs another drink” she smiled, looking at me and making me laugh out loud!!
“You don’t take long to mix in with the group do you?” Gary said shaking his head and sending Mark off to get some drinks in
“So there’s been no squeezing of Oranges yet then?” Howard asked, wiggling his eyebrows “I was thinking about this earlier…”
“You were thinking about squeezing Jason’s oranges?” Mary asked, pulling a face as Mark returned from the bar saying they were bringing the drinks over
“What we talking about?” he asked chirpily
“Howard squeezing Jason’s oranges” I said seriously, before we all started laughing and the banter passed back and forth for a good hour or so. They were a great group of guys to be around but yet again the stares from other people in the bar hadn’t gone unnoticed.
“I’m going to the bathroom, you coming?” I turned and asked Mary
“Ooh yeah, I’ve been needing to pee since we got here, just couldn’t be bothered getting up”
“Nice” I said rolling my eyes and taking her arm, as the lads laughed at us swaying as we headed in the direction of the ladies room. We had been in there 5 minutes or so and were making our way back to the bar when we saw Mark approaching us
“I’m jut borrowing Mazza for a minute” he smiled, before taking her hand and running off in the opposite direction! I walked back into the bar and re took my seat next to Jason
“Where’s Mary?”
“I dunno, Mark came out and said he needed to borrow her for a minute”
“Right, well I’m calling it a night” Jason said, giving off a yawn which was clearly fake before standing up and taking my hand in his
“Fair enough, enjoy your sleep yeah?” Howard grinned
“I will mate” he smiled, his tongue poking out from between his lips and then we left the bar. His hand slipped casually into mine and we started to take one flight of stairs to his room, reaching the top where there was a window that looked out over the river, the moonlight glistening on it and making it sparkle and shine
“That’s gorgeous” I sighed, gazing out into the night
“Yeah you are gorgeous” he said, in a low tone as he slipped his hands round my waist and planted butterfly kisses on my neck and on the sensitive spot behind my ear making me shiver with anticipation. “Come on” he said leading me to his room at the other end of the corridor, stopping half way and pinning me against the wall to steal another kiss that made me go weak at the knees. A banging noise was heard followed by giggles and “shhhh” and more giggles. Jason quickly pulled away to notice Mark and Mary running past us just in dressing gowns
“Jay, Kazza” Mary grinned and kept on running, catching up with Mark before they dashed off down the staircase.
“What’s that all about?” I frowned
“I dunno but if what I’m thinking is right then we could have a bit of fun with this ourselves…”Jason grinned and then explained to me what he was thinking
“Oh I like it Mr O! They deserve a bit of payback”

10 minutes later we went outside and crossed the grounds coming to the door of the spa building. It was unlocked but in darkness, looked like Jason was right.
“Ok so if I’m right they only had their robes on, we can snatch them and then they’re screwed” he grinned, clearly loving the idea
“Uh huh but doesn’t this join onto the main building too so they can still get back to their room without coming outside”
“It does but after hours when it’s shut they only give us the key for this door” his grin was getting wider by the minute
“Ahh ok then!! So we need to get inside and snatch the robes then…”
“You do, I’m not going in!”
“I do?!?”
“Yeah cos what if they’re already…well you know…”
“Right and that means I have to go in? Explain please?”
“Well I don’t wanna see Mark doing that!!!”
“You think I do?!? It’s dark in there and I’ve never been in there before so I have no clue where I’m going”
“Fine, we’ll go in together” he nodded, grabbing my hand and pushing the door open.
We went inside and I followed behind Jason, holding onto his waist and letting him lead the way. He stopped when he got to the entrance for the pool and could hear voices…

Contd...


“I’m sorry about Cardiff Mary, falling asleep on you…” Mark whispered to her as he held onto her waist and pulled her in close
“Don’t worry about it you were drunk, I was drunk and we had fun that night…I’m surprised Kazza didn’t kill me though”
“Oh I got a few choice words from Jay the next day, my head was banging and he kept shouting at me” he pouted
“Aww poor Markie” she pouted back, before Mark lowered his head to hers and their lips touched in a passionate embrace as the moonlight shone through the window and the faint sound of the music that was being played in the bar echoed around the room. He continued to softly kiss down her face and neck, reaching the top of her bikini
“This has got to go” he said and reached around her unhooking it at the back and tossing it to the side where her robe was. He grabbed her legs and hoisted them up so that they were round his waist and the top part of her body was floating on the water. Kissing gently down her stomach he got to her bikini bottoms and slowly undid the ties at either side with his teeth. His teeth and tongue grazing her hips as he did so making her gently moan and wrap her legs around his waist tighter. He let go of her legs and she stood up her hand reaching below the water, massaging him through the flimsy material of his shorts before dipping inside, she disappeared under the water and pulled his shorts down over his hips and re emerged with them in her hand, tossing them to the side. He sat up on the edge of the pool and then helped lift Mary up onto his lap, turning her to face him so she was straddling him. She could feel his tip brush against her thigh but she wanted more she wanted him inside of her…

“Look what we have here then…the two of you naked and we have your clothes” Jay sniggered “Have a nice night people”
“OMG” Mary yelled and thought about trying to cover up her modesty, realising she had nothing to cover it with she jumped back into the water pulling Mark with her
“That’s just evil!! How are we supposed to get back to our rooms?”
“Not our problem guys” I smiled “Call it payback for Cardiff”
“You had clothes in Cardiff!!!” she almost cried
Jason took my hand and we gave them a wave before running off and depositing their clothes behind reception, telling them that we had found them in a bag outside, assuming someone had dropped it!!

“What we gonna do now?” Mary asked with a frown and turned towards Mark who had swam back to the side of the pool and was giggling over at Mary “Why are you laughing this isn’t funny Mark!”
“No but it looks like Jay has dropped something” he grinned, dangling something shiny from the end of his finger
“Keys?” Mary asked as she swam over to join him
“Not just any keys, their Jay’s keys to his precious Merc” he smiled, nodding “I don’t fancy going for a drive in the buff but at least we can sit in there until they all get fed up of waiting and go to bed”
“Oooh ok then” she nodded “Hang on though, we still need to get to the car without getting noticed”
“No problem, Jay’s car is parked round the corner away from the main part of the hotel”
Mark took her hand and they ran out to the door, checking there was nobody around they made a dash for Jason’s car, Mark opening the door and them quickly jumping inside. As soon as the door was closed and they had made themselves comfortable in the back seat, thoughts returned to where they were interrupted in the pool. Bare flesh was touching bare flesh and within seconds Mark’s hands were roaming all over Mary’s body, making sure that no part went untouched as they made love into the night. They were lying contentedly in each others arms wondering if it was safe to try and get inside now, Mark turned Mary’s face towards him and gently kissed her before laying her down on the seat and once again they were one…a noise pierced through the silence of the night and soon enough they realised it was the fire alarm.
“Shit Mark, what if people see us?!”
“They wont” he said kissing her jaw “We’re not near the main entrance, everyone will go out that way”
“But there must be other fire exits” she was panicking, she’d been embarrassed enough earlier and didn’t want any more moments like that
“Mary” Mark said pointedly
“Yeah”
“Shut the hell up” he grinned, before his mouth covered hers and all her worries were forgotten.

“Oh for fuck sake!” Jason moaned, rolling his eyes and heading back down the stairs, we had sat in the bar for ages waiting for Mark and Mary to appear but they never had. Everyone else had gone to bed and Jason and I had stayed in the bar a bit longer chatting about this and that and getting lost in the conversation.
I had to giggle at Jason’s little outburst. The fire alarm had just gone off in the hotel so we had to turn and head for the nearest exit which was on the floor below along the corridor from Gary and Howard’s rooms. We met them leaving their rooms and all piled down the emergency stairs and out into the freezing cold.
“Well this is great” Gary grumped and pulled his dressing gown shut tighter
“It’s bloody freezing out here” Howard moaned. Jason noticed me shivering and pulled me into his body, wrapping his arms around me.
“Hang on, we can go and sit in my car!” he smiled “At least it will be warm in there”
“Get the keys then come on, I’m freezing my bits off here!!” Howard said. Jason reached into his pocket and then tried his other pocked, a frown spread across his face as he got more flustered, checking his pockets
“What’s up Jay?”
“My car keys aren’t here! Shit where are my car keys?”
“Maybe you dropped them inside” I shrugged
“Yeah and what if I did, someone saw me dropping them and nicked my car?!?! My Merc…I have to check it’s still there…” he said getting all panicky and immediately sprinting off to where it was parked, followed by me and then Howard and Gary too. He stopped dead in his tracks and breathed a sigh of relief when he saw it was still parked safely in it’s spot
“Thank God! My baby is still there!” he said hugging me
“Hang on a minute the interior light is on Jay”
“Shouldn’t be, doesn’t come on unless you open the door and it goes off when you shut it”
“Well look, it is!”
“Stay here, I’m gonna go and have a look, incase there is someone in there”
“I’ll come with you” Howard added and left me standing there with Gary. The next thing I heard was Jason shout...

Of course the hat needed to be returned!!

Mark and Mary in Jay's car!!!!


Mooooore!!!

Well, as you know i love this. How many times have i read it now?

Quote :

“No man should be without his hat!! It’s every man and his hat for himself in this world, someone’s wrecked my hat tonight, but he can have his back” Mark nodded and then got out the cab walking over to where the “Duke’s hat” was placed on the pavement beside him. Mary quickly straightened out her skirt and followed him out across the road, almost getting run over by a taxi, the driver beeping his horn at her which in turn made her turn around and give him a gesture of her own! Jason and I watched out the window as Mark struggled to even climb the first part of the statue, let alone reach his head

Quote :

“Ooh yeah, I’ve been needing to pee since we got here, just couldn’t be bothered getting up”

That's SO something I would say

Quote :

“Not our problem guys” I smiled “Call it payback for Cardiff”
“You had clothes in Cardiff!!!” she almost cried

Makes me cry with laughter, every time!

Quote :

“Shut the hell up” he grinned, before his mouth covered hers and all her worries were forgotten.

Quote :

“I’ll come with you” Howard added and left me standing there with Gary. The next thing I heard was Jason shout...

Mary wrote:

Well, as you know i love this. How many times have i read it now?

Quote :

“No man should be without his hat!! It’s every man and his hat for himself in this world, someone’s wrecked my hat tonight, but he can have his back” Mark nodded and then got out the cab walking over to where the “Duke’s hat” was placed on the pavement beside him. Mary quickly straightened out her skirt and followed him out across the road, almost getting run over by a taxi, the driver beeping his horn at her which in turn made her turn around and give him a gesture of her own! Jason and I watched out the window as Mark struggled to even climb the first part of the statue, let alone reach his head

Quote :

“Ooh yeah, I’ve been needing to pee since we got here, just couldn’t be bothered getting up”

That's SO something I would say

Quote :

“Not our problem guys” I smiled “Call it payback for Cardiff”
“You had clothes in Cardiff!!!” she almost cried

Makes me cry with laughter, every time!

Quote :

“Shut the hell up” he grinned, before his mouth covered hers and all her worries were forgotten.

Quote :

“I’ll come with you” Howard added and left me standing there with Gary. The next thing I heard was Jason shout...

I can't believe you went to the trouble of leaving all that FB even though you've already read this...I've lost count how many times now!!

Thank you!!


Lene I'm glad Mary and Mark in Jay's car amused you He's not impressed though

Thanks for the FB hun

It's because I love it

OMG am laughing here, so funny, just not yours and Jasons night again.

Now he's caught Mary and Mark in his car and prob seen a lot more than he wanted too!

poor mercedes and fingers crossed it wasn´t the old convertible as thats a bit uncomfortable on the back seat

Janie wrote:

OMG am laughing here, so funny, just not yours and Jasons night again.

Now he's caught Mary and Mark in his car and prob seen a lot more than he wanted too!

I think we all saw more than we wanted too


Thanks Janie and Tina

Laydees I salute you I have tears rolling down my face

jor wrote:

Laydees I salute you I have tears rolling down my face

Well that means a lot coming from you Jo cos you're the queen of funny fanfic

Thank you

maddimouse wrote:

I'll take this as good fb shall I?

Thanks Maddi

Zouba wrote:

well Mark and Mary did it first, in Jay's "baby"

Seems everyone finds this funny apart from Jason

Thanks Zouba, glad it's still giving you a laugh

karenc wrote:

Zouba wrote:

well Mark and Mary did it first, in Jay's "baby"

Seems everyone finds this funny apart from Jason

Serves him right for loving that car more than what should be considered a normal amount

Mary wrote:

karenc wrote:

Zouba wrote:

well Mark and Mary did it first, in Jay's "baby"

Seems everyone finds this funny apart from Jason

Serves him right for loving that car more than what should be considered a normal amount

Well I think you and Mark have definitely sorted that out!!!

karenc wrote:

Mary wrote:

karenc wrote:

Zouba wrote:

well Mark and Mary did it first, in Jay's "baby"

Seems everyone finds this funny apart from Jason

Serves him right for loving that car more than what should be considered a normal amount

Well I think you and Mark have definitely sorted that out!!!

I wonder how the iTunes pass with Jason showing off his car is going to turn out now...

Mary wrote:

karenc wrote:

Mary wrote:

karenc wrote:

Zouba wrote:

well Mark and Mary did it first, in Jay's "baby"

Seems everyone finds this funny apart from Jason

Serves him right for loving that car more than what should be considered a normal amount

Well I think you and Mark have definitely sorted that out!!!

I wonder how the iTunes pass with Jason showing off his car is going to turn out now...

I'm thinking the phrase "it's mint" doesn't apply to all aspects of that car anymore...

karenc wrote:

Mary wrote:

karenc wrote:

Mary wrote:

karenc wrote:

Zouba wrote:

well Mark and Mary did it first, in Jay's "baby"

Seems everyone finds this funny apart from Jason

Serves him right for loving that car more than what should be considered a normal amount

Well I think you and Mark have definitely sorted that out!!!

I wonder how the iTunes pass with Jason showing off his car is going to turn out now...

I'm thinking the phrase "it's mint" doesn't apply to all aspects of that car anymore...

Yeah you can all you like but you and Mark won't be getting those kinda chances again in the Manchester part of this...